"When the power of love overcomes love for power,
the world will experience peace".
The light in my heart
It was a rainy day, but after morning, clouds get gone and the sun came out. It was the beginning of autumn.
It was first day of the month, when the light came from the heaven to a body of a little girl.
There is nothing to be afraid of. You are love, you are pure, you are you. That is why you are always right. That is why you are always win. That is why you feel everything so deeply. That is why you know what comes on others mind. That is why you are good enough.
She was a lovely baby with a big cheeks like squirrel full of food in her mouth. She had a big dark, brown eyes and dark, brown hair.
She was a shy child, but open for a world. When she was something over 3 years old she started ask questions:
Why I am looking like that?; Why I'm having this name?;
What's all that little, shiny point of dats in the darkness?;
Why they talking all the time (there was nobody in the room) and this feeling when she was lying on the bed with eyes wide open. Something similar to this feeling when you're going sleep but still awake or when you're having a headache and you're feeling weak. Everything was shaked, but silent. It was like she was in her body, but a little bit higher. Also she heared that voices. So many voices in one time like she would be on some kind of child trip and she didn't like it, becase she couldn't hear anything, because there was too many of them.
It all started about 11 years ago, when she was a teenager. She remember it like yesterday ...
There are things around her, that are hard to explain rationally.She started to make uncomfortable questions to her parents, brother, colleagues, teachers - and she became "strange" in the eyes of others.
-Cannot you see, what I am? You have eyes like me. Why won't you see that? - she asked herself.
Since she was 16 years old for the next 5 years, she slowly discovered the Truth.
Every time denying more and more...
It didn't fit in her mind - so it does not look like the reality she see on TV, movies or photos.
-Am I insane...?
By the time she was 21 years old, she came to realize, that there was a sense in this madness - only no one said it loudly. This is a TABU topic.
The next 5 years have opened her eyes to the whole environment, people and the world. She saw the meaning in the nonsense, and her soul quieted down and suffered a relative calming.
The revolt is still in her soul - she will not erupt, because she simply do not want. This is the part, where she live consciously.
There is another 5 years of change in her life, and by her side is the music of her daughter's heart.
The world is different, than they say.
21 years later
The flat she took with her fiance wasn't big. It wasn't a middle size neither, actually it was very, very small,because there was only one room with w-c and that's it.
There was a time to calculate what she want's from life and she decited to be with her fiance and get pregnant. She had a job, so she could go on L4 (it was a note from a doctor, that she can't work, but still she'll have a payment) and get rest. She needed it very much at that time.
Also it was a time, that she had looks at partnership difrently. She was very suspicious person and never trust anybody, but she liked to observe peoples behavior with extremly situations. When they are cheerful and happy or deeply nervous and sad. How they react and what they say, it was precious for her in one side, but on the other she wanted to be all alone with her thoughts.
As long as she remembered she hadn't a simple life because of that her "moods". There was a few times, when she ask for help her loved ones, but there was no response. Mostly, because they didn't know what to do or say to her, but she had understand it like "we don't care, you're nuts".
People are living in a fear in their whole life, for example: being abused; for not being loved; for beeing lonely or lost theis loved ones; being sick or else..
There was only one thing she was afraid of: that you'll know her and don't believe.
When her mother was looking at her she was seeing a little girl, who is always lying and always doing everything the opposite to her. In Sandra's family house there was a fight each day, because of her (she thought).