- I'm Sandra and I was born in the 90st. I lived in not big house, on the outskirts of Gdynia, in Poland.
I was a child like almoust every young child with his moods. One day I was happy and cheerful thinking deeply how beautiful is life and the other day everything made me insane and irritated, I cried for no reason and yell for no reason.
- Childhood was not that simple for me and I tried to focus about anything could help me to get out of my head and feel peaceful for a secound.
then I started painting- on walls in my bedroom. Firstly there was only a stupid words,but later I find,that I can actually drow something more than "Scars remind me,that the past is real".
When I was 14 years old I painted a horse in one of my walls in bedroom. I lived in 4m2 room,so I didn't had a lot of space.
- Walls was bright yellow.
- I was only looking at my towel from beach,there was a picture of a brown horse. I was using only chalk and coal, nothing else.
- It was my first work.
The second painting was the pigeon and the dragon.
- In the age 25 I moved with my three and a half year daughter to my husband in Netherlands.
was a time when I had try my powers on canvas. My first painting was
vision of a place, where I had always going with my family to have rest
and have fun.
The playground is situated in Oda Park in Venray.
one is pretty strange, because when I finished first part I realized that I should
paint another one, with the assumption that both of them create one big
picture. When I finished second painting I realized again, that I
should paint another one and another one.
Now I had four pieces of paintings, which create one big view of picture.
Each symbol in the painting has a very deep meaning for me:
music, nature, deer, tree,colours,auras,shapes and everything is there for a reason.
I really tried to live,
how my parents wanted.
When I was finished high school my parents said to me, that If I want to still live with them, I have to find a job. Even if I tried to go to higher education.
Soo I went to work. First place where I hit was supermarket near of my house. I spent there almost 4 years of my life [damn]. Surely, it wasn't the work of my dreams..
After a long time working there I felt burnt inside, empty and completely exhausted. I forced myself, because I was told, that I have no other choice. It was a good school of life. I noticed, that kids in school really never grow out of their habits and move them into adult life. Most mature people behaved like high school girls: gossip, rumors, gossip, jealousy, laziness and gossip. Worse from school groups, because more fake faces. What money can do with man..
Then after 2 years of working there, I've met my husband and a year later I've got pregnant. After another 2 years I had back to work, but not in those "lovely" supermarket.
"I will try something new" - I thought.
But I hit work in the boutique. It wasn't good for me too. Honestly, it was not too different from working in the supermarket. I spent there 12 hours a day, sitting and waiting for a customers...
They fired me (actually they did not fired me,but just did not extend the contract) after a month. Why? I can only suspect that, they needed a help with organize shop before it opened (you know: cleaning, hanging clothes on hangers and washing windows and floor), they asked me about took a few photos my face and body with new clothes and that's it. After that they said "bye-bye" on facebook chat. Pathetic.
So I looked for something more fine and peaceful.
I found a job in the office. It was the best work I ever had. It was one of the works that went with a smile on my lips. Despite the fact that the work required an impeccable appearance, wearing artificial eyelashes (it meant lying as a model for 5h without any move - I still remember this back pain), conversations sometimes in english language, taking phone orders and making orders for retail customers - and sometimes happened the day, when I didn't even want to open my mouth, I still enjoyed working there with these people. My knowledge has been extended with more experience with people: perception of behavior, situation and emotions dependent on age - priceless.
I was working there about 8 months and I had to move to Netherlands.
And here I am !
Still wanted something more from life, than only working in corporate..
Do you ever felt, that you should do something different than your parents, brother,sister or neighbour said?
I had always this feeling in me and no matter how hard I tried to be "normal" it always going down.
Since I moved out of my family house, I have my dad's words in my head, when he brought all my stuff to first apartment I hired with Piotr: "So, good luck!" These words will always be on my mind, when I recall that day. And so this "good luck" does not leave me.
Do not get me wrong: it's not easy, it has never been and will never be, because what we want in life is the hardest to achieve. I think.
It's easy to fall into depression and lose faith in tomorrow. I had a depression since I was 16 years old till 20 and guess what? Nobody knows about that: till now. None of my parents, brother, friend - noone even suspect.
Time passes, and I still trying to work all the way for me and myself. Of course there is my daughter and husband, but here comes the satisfaction of my own self.
So I said, one day: "enough is enough".
I observe my four and a half year old daughter and I see in her everything, what I was and maybe still am?
I was a child who knows what wants. When I was angry- I screamed, when I was happy- I laughed, when I needed a hug- I huged and so on.
Because of the fact, that I started to listen to everyone else and not my own heart, I came to the point, where there were many people, but few came out.
There was always somebody who knew better: my mother, my father, my brother, my friend and you know what? It doesn't matter anymore for me, because I learn how to listen myself, remember my past and do everything what I was dream of, anyway. If I will do something wrong, the only one, who I could blame, will be me. It's better to know, how far I can go and how much I can learn.
This site is not only about my paintings. This site is about Finding Truth beyond eyes and ears.
In this site you can find something to read, focus and think about.
This is my piece of myself for you.
I decited to live my life from now, no matter how hard it will be. I won't give up.